Many times in our lives we are faced with situations that has hurt us to our core. We’ve been betrayed, lied to, insulted…Sometimes it’s unintentional, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes it’s us that require us to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness isn’t easy when your smack in the middle of pain. And yet, forgiveness is so very important in the process of healing and finding peace.
Forgiveness by no means means we accept the wrong doing or are even okay with it. It means we are able to let go of the pain and move on. In forgiving we are able to learn something about the situation, hopefully to not repeat it or allow it to happen to us again.
I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life that took me forever to forgive myself for. How I treated my parents when I was teenager, how I treated others that didn’t deserve to be treated that way…. Things I said, things I did…I carried around those feelings of guilt for a long time. It’s not easy to forgive yourself especially if you are in the mindset that you don’t deserve to be forgiven. Ask yourself these questions; Are you sorry? Do you feel remorse? Do you have any intention of repeating those things? If you have answered yes, yes and no, then you need to forgive yourself. You DO deserve forgiveness. Torturing yourself over things that you can’t take back is such a waste of energy and it does no good to dwell on those things. We are only human and make mistakes. Chalk it up to a mistake and learn from it. Forgive yourself, free yourself from the pain and guilt of the mistake you made and of knowing what you did was wrong.
Some people do such horrible things that forgiveness seems too good for them. But forgivness isn’t for them, it’s for you. In doing so you are allowing your spirit to move forward without hatred or anger, two emotions that are damaging to our well-being. They might not deserve forgiveness, maybe they feel no remorse or even care that they’ve hurt you, You can’t force them to have a conscience….but that isn’t your problem. You can’t change their thought process, you can’t always make them understand that what they did was hurtful, you only have control over yourself. Forgiving someone for their wrong doing is a release for you, it means that you will no longer allow that pain to consume you. You’ve now learned they can’t be trusted, and you’ve consciously learned to not allow them to hurt you again.. In doing that, you can move on happily despite the pain they have caused. Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook, it’s simply letting go so you can move on. Forgiveness prevents them from destroying your heart.
Peace in forgiveness-
I read a wonderful quote the other day that is so very true. “There is no Peace without forgiveness.” If you are so focused on the horrible thing that has happened to you, you are filling your spirit with anger and hatred. These emotions believe it or not can cause a lot of problems mentally and physically. I have made myself physically and mentally ill over things that have been done to me. I had no peace, only despair and sadness. I’d often ask myself what I’d done to deserve to feel this way. The answer? Nothing. I was allowing it to tear me up inside. It wasn’t until I took a look at my situation and said, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness, they didn’t ask for it, they didn’t apologize, but I’m going to give it to them anyway, I’m going to be done with this,” it was then that I found peace.
Forgiveness is not easy~
In fact it’s very difficult when your pain is still fresh. It’s not something that can happen overnight but it should definitely be something to work towards for your own good. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to someone, “I forgive you, but I don’t trust you and I won’t allow you to hurt me again.” It could take days, months even years to get to that point, but remember the longer it takes the more you are hurting yourself. You didn’t deserve to be hurt to begin with, don’t allow that pain to continue.
5 steps to forgiveness-
- Identify how you were wronged and how it made you feel.
- Put yourself in their shoes, (this is a tough one because there is no excuse for hurting someone), but ask yourself why you think they did what they did or what they may be going through to have acted this way.
- Wish them well. Maybe not verbally, but in your heart wish them happiness. Sending positive thoughts and wishes come back to us. Even when we don’t feel as though they deserve it.
- Forgive yourself. Sometimes we try to blame ourselves for other people actions and the part we may have played in it.
- Be grateful for what they have taught you. Face it…through all of this we’ve learned something..be grateful for the lesson.
You may need to go through these steps over and over again until you feel good about them., but they will help you to forgive and in turn find peace.
Do you have any tips on how to forgive? Share with me in the comments!!
Until Next time,
~Spread Your Wings..